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Sunday, November 1, 2015

Sometimes It’s Ok To Quit

Last week I had had enough.

I am very disappointed in this relationship ending. I am surprised at how many apologies I gave and how few were given to me. I'm also surprised that my wrongs were not better understood as a direct result of the craziness. I hope my heart makes it to forgiveness again.:

After an entire year of working on this house, countless college classes, and a stream of steady houseguests my darling hubby thought it was time for us to enjoy a weekend getaway. He planned a 3 day trip to San Antonio. Wonderful right? Except that I had TREMENDOUS anxiety to the point of suffering from insomnia  the week prior to the trip. The source of my angst was one of my college classes. I had SO looked forward to this class. But by week two I just dreaded it. I was spending about 5 hours a day studying online lectures, reading…the works. Thirty hours a week for one class. After I failed the second test I was so despondent that I posted to the online student “Classroom Conversation” area. In the subject line I wrote “I’ve failed the tests…anyone have any study tips?”

The response was amazing.

Student after student wrote things like “Me too and I have always been an A+ student!” and “Is it just me or is he posting questions that were never covered in the reading or lectures?” rounding out with “Why must we answer 13 questions in just 18 minutes? My stress level is through the roof!”

So the question was posed. Was I (as well as a large majority of the class) a bad student or perhaps did I (we) not have a good teacher?

My first thought was “I guess I will have to try harder.”

But of course this meant I wouldn’t be able to spend time with my family. I started to pray for a way of not going on this much needed getaway.

You know the saying “Be careful what you wish (pray) for?”

The affects of Hurricane Patricia roared through Texas. By mid Friday morning it was clear that we weren’t going anywhere when a massive leak developed in our ceiling.

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Despite emptying buckets I found myself relieved. Relieved that I didn’t have to go away on vacation. I could stay home and study.

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What was WRONG with me?

Where did my priorities lie?

Then my friend Mary posted a video on her Facebook page.

 Oh boy.

So should I continue to stress myself out, ignore my family and devote 30+ hours a week to a class that there was a good chance I would end up failing anyway?

Or should I drop the class and have 30+ hours a week to make memories with my family?

I sat down with the Mr. He said the writing was clearly on the wall.

So I decided to drop the class.

Now as a mother I always try to set a good example for my kids. I never want them to see me as a failure. But when I told the Fashionista about my decision she said, “Mom this is fantastic. Now you will be able to truly enjoy the holidays.”

I have really smart kids.

They know that I plan on resuming my studies in January.

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We are coming into a very stressful season.

My advice is to let go of extra unnecessary stress and focus on what is truly important.

Laura

“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” ~ Isaiah 40:31

24 comments :

Kelley Dibble said...

Love x 18 this superb advice.

*hugs*
Kelley~

marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

You always pack more into one day than I can do in a week. So glad you are going to stop for a minute and regroup. Sounds like a really bad teacher to me.

Auntie Em said...

Well, I think you learned the most important lesson of your school career at the class. Do what is really important in the long run and dump the rest. Life is too short to stress of something that is making you that stressed.

{{{hugs}}} to you dear friend. You deserve a break. :)

Auntie Em said...

And PS...he probably is a really bad teacher!!!

Rita C. said...

i think you've made a really smart move, but i would advise you go one step further and go to the department head and discuss this teacher's methods. A whole group of people can't be wrong, can they? This guy needs to take it down a notch, it seems.
I do hope your leak is readily repairable. I can tell it's around your chimney - ugh.
Meanwhile, enjoy your Sunday, you soo deserve it.
Rita

Joani said...

Thanks for the pep talk. I loved the video. Happy November.

Lisa said...

Wise choice Laura! Not all teachers are good or even a good fit. I believe it wise to step away from a situation that was not right for you. Life is stressful enough. Enjoy your family and your holidays!

Charlotte said...

Good for you for quitting. Something I learned a long time ago is that when something or somebody is really a problem for me, 90 percent of the time other people are having the same reaction. In a good course, you might feel pushed for time, but you'd be excited about what you were learning and growing in confidence in that field, not feeling like a failure. I'm sure you weren't the only one who hated it.



Linda Merrill said...

Laura - it does sound like you made the right decision. When I was in design school, I took a decorative finishes class. I didn't plan on becoming a decorative painter/restorer, I just wanted to learn the processes in order to be able to specify them and to be able to determine what was good or not from professional painters. I loved the class and the projects, but one aspect I didn't love - which was to keep a detailed notebook of the "recipes" and procedures. I was working full time at a stressful job and going to school in the evenings, plus had a 1+ hour commute in each direction. I told the teacher I wasn't doing the notebook portion of the class and she reminded me that she wouldn't be able to give me a top grade because I was missing this important assignment. I said that was fine - I wasn't in school for the grades but for the knowledge. She looked kind of shocked and said she'd never heard someone say that. In the end, I got an A anyway. Not sure how, didn't really care. Priorities.

Carol said...

Just as the words "let go" came on the screen at the end of the video, a commercial on tv here in my living room actually said the words "let go" !! Do you think God was telling me something? :)

Katie Mansfield said...

You are so wise. I'm glad that you will get to slow down a little and enjoy the holidays.

happywonderer.com said...

Good for you in this decision. The more tales I hear from our son-in-law on his teachers at community college the more I wonder why they get paid or are hired at all. Kids will sit at our son-in-laws table so he can instruct them since the teacher is so so bad...

Pat@Life At Lydias House said...

You are wise to know when to let it go. I don't know how you do all that you do. I hope that you savor every moment of the holiday season!

Jeannie Marie said...

I totally agree that you did the right thing, for so many reasons, I can't even begin to name them.

Karen Hinson said...

IMO, you did exactly the right thing to drop that class. If every student is having the same problems that you are, it's obviously the professor. You should go as a class to the department head to explain what's happening. The statement that struck me more than anything else is that we're entering a very stressful season. Why do you think that this is so stressful? I look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I hate doing the shopping, except for our grandsons, but otherwise enjoy the family, food and decorations. If you find these holidays so stressful, maybe you and your husband can sit down and talk about ways to make it easier. Or just maybe--you're making it more stressful on yourself than it needs to be. I know this because I used to do that to myself too. Finally, I realized it didn't have to be so harried and tiring if I didn't make it that way. No one else expected me to make everything perfect for them. I expected that of myself. What a revelation! Chill out, girl and enjoy your family and your holidays!

Angela Freda said...

There is no shame in admitting that a situation you are in is not right for you, regardless of why.
Hopefully if you are still interested in the subject you can take the class another time, from another professor, perhaps?

Prettypracticalhome said...

I'm happy you made the choice that would allow you more time with your family. I'm also sorry that you had home flooding issues--Dallas is so kooky with the weather sometimes. The homes here are put through lots of stress, too! I hope with the burden of the class lifted from you that you'll truly enjoy the holidays!

Jill Cooper said...

You made the right decision. Don't ever do anything that doesn't bring you joy or self-satisfaction! Life is too short and the older I get the more I know that joy is the most important thing in your life.

Judy Ann Lincicum said...

Laura, this was a most important post to all women and I wish we could post this on facebook for all to see. As we all know, women have been giving until it hurts us for such a long time, and no one has the control to stop this madness but us! Your post shows that our families recognize this and would rather have our undivided attention than our successes at everything else. I do not see this as quitting at all. I believe Lisa said it best; you "stepped away from a situation that was not right for you". That is not quitting, after all, are you not continuing school after the holidays? Thats the big picture. This is simply a bad situation you are stepping away from, and I think you are the smartest woman I know! Here's to the best holiday season you have ever had with your family, friends and Merry Christmas! Judy

Linda said...

I totally agree with you. In fact, the subject of my December newspaper column will be about enjoying a simple Christmas. One of the things that I'm giving up this year is sending Christmas cards. If you know me, you'd know that this is not typical for me. My husband said that he was surprised because I'm so big on tradition. And that's true. But sometimes, we just need a break from even those things that we've always done. Sometimes we just want to try something different. My daughter recently had to drop a class. She was stressed to the max, trying to fit a ton into her schedule this semester since she had changed her major, but it just wasn't working - 2 full art labs several times a week was giving her more anxiety that she didn't need. I supported her decision because yes, sometimes it's okay to quit something that is bringing us down. I hope you enjoy a beautiful Thanksgiving season coming up, taking time for simply joys.
Love, Linda

Fairhope Supply Co. said...

My Mother always said to use the five year test. Five years from now will you be glad you suffered an unusually strange, stressful class, or spent more time with family? Hmmm . . . good choice!

Gypsy Heart said...

I've been "MIA" lately but just wanted to say that I feel you definitely made the right decision! I do suggest that, as a class, you speak to the Dept Head and make your concerns known. Think about all the angst each of you have experienced and it's so not right! Help prevent this instructor's continuing his poor performance and adversely affecting more students. Perhaps he's not happy either and a different plan is needed for him.

Regardless of whether it's the holidays or not, family is #1! I don't mean to sound like a broken record but after losing my granddaughter 2 years ago, it does change one's perspective and priorities. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow so make sure today is full of memories! :)

So sorry about your leak ~ things like that are such a hassle. I hope your insurance covers it.

xo
Pat

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

This is such a smart decision and you've explained it so well. I'll write some of this in my journal today so that I can refer back to it. How many times we have suffered with decisions like this. Time is life....we only have so much of it. Sweet hugs, Diane

Stacey said...

Laura, I can't wait till we get to meet in person! I'm so proud of you for taking those classes and for understanding that sometimes it's ok to let it go. You'll be better off for it. :)

I hope that roof situation works out ok. Reschedule that trip.