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Sunday, March 15, 2015

On Purpose

Oh have I had inner turmoil going on!  I have spent the last 6 months in a fight with myself so strong it was like wrastlin an alligator.

You see I had lost my bearings. I couldn't find the path I wanted to be on. Now part of it was a big move to a new state and a house in a state of disrepair. Another issue was the loss of a great beacon of light in my life. 

But what made it worse was that I KNEW the beacon would be so disappointed in my drifting.

I needed to right my compass.


I gave hard thought to my various struggles. One of the biggest issues was school. I had taken some time off and just had absolutely NO desire to return. There were several reasons. First, it takes a tremendous amount of time to complete a class. I had been taking accelerated, upper level (300-400) classes. A typical 4 month semester is condensed into 7 weeks. But the same amount of work is required. As I have made it a personal goal to earn all A’s a typical class requires that I dedicate about 20-30 hours a week to study. Then there was the issue that I felt what I had learned thus far had really been of no personal benefit. I was also seeing all these freshly graduated people struggling to find a job. So I questioned if school was just a waste of my time. Finally there was the cost. University is not cheap.

But in the end all of these excuses were just that. Excuses.

I had to force myself to remember why I had even started down the path of earning a degree.

Earning an advanced degree has been my dream since I was 16.

Did I give up on a 30 year old dream?

I tell my children all the time that they must finish what they start. What type of example would I set if I didn’t heed my own words?

So I made an appointment with my advisor.

We looked at all the classes I had already taken and discovered that if I took just two classes a semester I could graduate next spring.

In black and white it seemed really silly to now NOT FINISH.

❀ flower power grad ❀

Of course there is this: two classes = a 40-60 hour week of study.

Then I also knew that there is a part of me that needed to give back. To show my thanks to the universe.

I finally found a project that I am excited about earlier this week.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. #gandhi #inspiration #quotes

This led me to create a work schedule so that there is a balance of time for school work, giving of myself, the running of the household and time for my family. I had to make some hard personal decisions as school starts tomorrow.

So I turned down two design jobs. I had to make the decision to not take on any design work for the next year.

That was hard.

I want to be Superwoman. I want to do it all.

But I have to be honest and realistic. 

I also know that it will be impossible for me to produce four blog posts a week as I have done for the past eight or so years.

I’ve decided to concentrate more on quality versus quantity. So I may post just once a week. Perhaps twice. But my desire is that the posts will be some of the best I have ever written. 

living with purpose

I was lost, but now am found.


Deep breath……it's all going to be okay. God's promises always ring true. #MothersDay #WomansBible


Christine said...

Thank you for taking the time to choose your priorities. I enjoy reading your postings so I will be content with one per week as opposed to none. Besides, that will give me more time for my priorities!
Christine in Ontario

GSGreatEscaper said...

I will miss your posts! I look forward to the one with you in your cap and to the 4 of you....

Jane said...

Always enjoy your posts, but really think you've made some good decisions. How hard it must've been to give up those design jobs! Glad you've chosen to finish up your degree work, though. Education may or may not lead to a job but it can enrich your life in so many ways. May blessings abound!

crisdsanchez said...

I am cheering for you on your journey!

Sarah said...

Laura, you are making the right decision for all the right reasons. Your priorities are in focus. How exciting that graduation is just a year away. Wow! What an accomplishment. Best of luck for continued success in your classes. I know you will be happy with your self for choosing to complete your degree. ;-)

Linda Thompson said...

You are wise and inspirational. May we all learn from your choices and find balance. So excited for you to fulfill your dreams. You go girl!

marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

Perfect choices. I agree with the others, your degree is very important and you are so close. Post when you can and remember, a post can be short snippets too. They don't all have to be an epic essay. xoxo

Denise said...

So happy to hear You found north on Your compass in life. Now just relax and enjoy. I'm 62 went to college right out of HS because I knew I wanted to be an RN.Loved it and 4 years later was an RN.........Now all these years later I have the yearnings to go back to College for the fun of it, just to have a blast studying archaeology and ancient civilizations.In reality I'de rathor spend the money though on vacations. ENJOY it while Your young enough to want to spend the mula on education-Hugs and blessings to You Denise

Christine said...

Look at what you have done, you stirred the pot for all us! Let us all stop and reevaluate to see if we need to reconsider something in our lives.
It's not HOW much we do, it's WHO we do it for.
Cheers to you and your wise decision(s).

Rita C. said...

See how smart you are to work this out? Just think how smart you'll be when it's all said and done! I had been wondering if you had attempted going back to classes yet, now I know. I wish you the very best. I'm proud of you and everything you have accomplished in the last six months alone, let alone all the obstacles thrown your way. You have a huge capacity for success, Laura. Happy Sunday, and I hope you enjoy this day with your family before your new direction starts.

Ellen Thompson said...

I admire your focus. I am sure you will be very successful. I understand about the aimless drifting. Completely.

Pinky at Designs by Pinky said...

As I told my daughter she went back tool to get her degree "you will never regret this decision". She too was doubting whether it would do her any good, career wise but just last week she finally found a new job in her field at a great company!!! We will miss your posts but you have to do what is right for YOU!I am happy for you. Plus it will be fun to travel this journey with you!!! BTW, my daughter did the same thing with the advanced classes, it was a lot of studying but she graduated with honors!!!

Teresa Hardymon said...

So glad you are going to finish your degree - you will be glad you kept to your goal. I will look forward to the post you are able to write and I will especially look forward to congratulating you when you graduate! Prayers for peace on the journey and strength. God Bless!

Kelley said...

Love you, girl. The best is yet to come.

(In Oregon...)

Mary Grace McNamara said...

It is definitely a time of sacrifice when we are in school, and it's a family project too. Having supportive husbands and children allows us to focus on the task and get it done! It won't last forever and all the sacrifice will be well worth it. May of 2016 is also my scheduled graduation from nursing school, and then I plan to get reacquainted with my family and friends! You can do it, and you won't regret it!


Terri Steffes said...

Do I ever know about the sacrifice of schooling! Bob, Ashley and myself all had a goal of getting our PhDs. Bob was first, in '93 because he was our major bread winner, then Ashley because she wanted to go straight through college. She got hers in 2008. So finally me! in 2013! at 54 years old! Still, it was a sacrifice of time which limited me on a lot of things (see how many blog posts I did in 2012 and 2013!!). So happy for you that your path is lit for you again! I don't think you were lost, I think God's purpose for you was different than the one you had for yourself! I often do that, mistake my wants and desires as the same as God's!!

Kirby Carespodi said...

Good for you to see that it was a commitment you COULD make!

Pat@Life At Lydias House said...

You are a wise woman, Laura. I don' know how in the world you have done all that you have. I had a death in my family this week and it has knocked the wind out of me. It has not been that it was terribly emotional but just the stress of doing everything to get ready for the funeral and out of town family and meal preparation, etc. As my cousin told my mom last week, "even Wonder Woman has to take a break sometime to wash her uniform!" I have no doubt that you will graduate soon!!

Hena Tayeb said...

I'm glad you are sticking with it.. I can not imagine what it must be like to balance everything but I am sure that once you graduate you will be happy you didn't quit.
Just keep swimming..

cathy said...

How exciting for you! Good luck. You are so close to your goal.

Lana L. said...

I love this post! Congratulations on heading back to school and persevering towards your goal. Very inspiring!

Auntie Em said...

Can we just call you 'Amazing Laura' from now on? You are one of those super women that I admire and cheer on. Going back to school take so much commitment from not just yourself, but your whole family. And I am sure they are your biggest cheerleaders.
I think that feeling of 'What am I doing this for?' comes to almost every student at some point. Usually just as they are about two thirds through. The fatigue of the study and research and papers seems to have sucked the will to live almost out of you and the goal seems just a little to far out of site to keep your eye on.
I hope all goes well and by next spring we will all be sending you 'Congratulation' messages on here.
Take care 'Amazing Laura' and keep us updated when ever you can! {{{hugs}}} :)

Jaybird said...

Good for you!!!! It's time for you to take care of YOU and we will be right here waiting when you are a "Girl Graduate" and all is calm once again. Remember that we are your cheerleaders and we will be praying that all goes according to plan!

At Rivercrest Cottage said...

I completed my degree when I was 35, then decided to do another degree program when I was 47 and a newlywed. My husband was 50 and didn't want to spend every other weekend without me, so he went back to school with me. We spent our first year of marriage going to school every other weekend (8 hours on Sat and Sun) to get that second BA. It was worth it. We graduated together and walked together in the ceremony. All the other students called us Mom and Pop (they ranged from 22 to mid-30's) and came over to our house for study sessions. Honest, if you want it for whatever personal reason you have, it's never too late!