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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Deserve is a Hard Word

How many times have we heard “You deserve it!”?

Be happy, you deserve it.

I have to tell you that I have a hard time with the concept of deserving something.

Recently we made an offer on a home that is truly a dream come true. Walking in the front door I was met with beautiful wood floors, lovely plantation shutters, deep crown molding and baseboards. It was a perfect home for my husband and children. But me, I sort of felt uncomfortable….like I didn’t DESERVE it.

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A few days later I was back home in my backyard pulling weeds so small you couldn’t see them when standing up. But since we were getting ready to put our house on the market my thoughts were that whoever bought the home surely would DESERVE a nice yard.

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This made me pause. Why would I think that I myself didn’t deserve the Storybook Charmer we had made a bid on, but total strangers (to me) deserved this current home to be perfect? I am sure any psychologist would say that experiences in a long ago childhood had chipped away at my self esteem. There may be some truth to that but why dwell on it?

I guess the real problem I have with deserving the good is that, on the other hand, do I then DESERVE the bad?

At that moment I looked over to our covered patio and saw my loyal companion braving the hot midday Phoenician temperatures to be with me. Franz follows me everywhere, never far from my side. I can’t tell you the number of times I have questioned why he has such love and devotion for me.

Once again the thought popped in my mind: I don’t DESERVE it.

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I went back to my weed pulling and thought about why I felt I didn’t DESERVE his love. I mean I rescued this dog from being put down. He eats some of the best dog food money can buy and is showered with affection. I take him to the vet regularly for checkups and buy prescription shampoo for his mystery hair loss.

I do this because I love him.

Why should I turn away from his love in return?

Which then made me think of Jesus.

I will never STOP being grateful for what HE did for ME.

Martin Luther Quote by samisad0rk

So I sat in my garden and prayed about this house I felt that I didn’t deserve. Soon enough another thought crept into my mind. Our recent inspection report revealed that the 28 year old Storybook Charmer has mice in the attic, a roof in need of repair, a bit of wood rot and so on. Things that perhaps we don’t deserve to have wrong with our future home, but are there nonetheless. Maybe I am just supposed to be the caretaker of this home. To love it back from neglect. Welcoming many through its doors to offer rest and respite. “Yes Lord ” I said. That I can do and feel good about.

UPDATE because some have asked:

We have not sold our current home. We are faithful that the right buyer will come.

The Storybook house that we put a bid on is an older home and during inspection it was discovered it needs a new roof. The sellers could put in a claim on their insurance and pay the $2,800 deductible or decide to tell us "as is" which in that case it would be a pre existing condition and any insurance we would get would not cover it meaning we would have to shell out $20,000 for the roof thereby pricing the house out of its resale value. The sellers have extended the inspection period by 2 days "to think about it". If they say "as is" we will have to walk away and begin the process all over again.

I have made peace with whatever the outcome may be, but a little prayer never hurt anything. :)

Here’s to a happily ever after for one and all.

Laura

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” ~ Hebrews 13:8

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

29 comments :

GSGreatEscaper said...

I surely do not deserve the wonderful life, husband, child, family, friends that I have. So I pray you are right about doing some good cancelling out some sins..grace plus works!

I look forward to seeing the storybook house become 'adored' with your wonderful decor!



marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

I hope you get all of your dreams and wishes. You do deserve it all.

Lisa said...

I'm so happy for you Laura! I have found in my own life that after great struggle comes great blessing. Enjoy this season of your life! And know that NONE of us deserve anything. That is the mystery of Grace.:)
PS I love you new house! It's so perfect and know that you will so enjoy making it your own.

Kiki Nakita said...

When we are good to Him we are deserving, when we walk away we're undeserving of grace, but He still loves us. We need to love ourselves in a healthy way and see that good things in life are a blessing, especially that adorable dog of yours.

The Arts by Karena said...

Laura you certainly DO deserve all that God has given you and more. You of all people are a superb example of living the kind of life that He has put us here for. We are just fortunate that he chose us to be who we ARE instead of being MICE!

xoxo
Karena
The Arts by Karena

Charlotte said...

Arizona's loss is Texas' gain. Feeling blessed to have met you through blogging and blogging luncheon. You inspire me and this post is a good example of how you do that.
Blessings,
Charlotte

Rita C. said...

You are SO DESERVING! Congratulations! Now I can say it was my favorite of the 3, and no need to talk about the things unliked in the first 2. I cannot wait until your home in AZ sells and you can begin your new venture with total focus. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Karie's Chic Creations said...

Beautiful. . . . .Karie

The Boston Lady said...

I hope everything goes well. I understand everything you express about deserving things or good or bad fortune. I've wondered over the past couple years have we been deserving of some of the seemingly unfair challenges we face. I try to accept them and have faith that one day I will understand. When good things come I am extremely grateful but often feel undeserving. Best wishes for everything that lies ahead for you! You all deserve good fortune and happiness, just as little Franz does. Ann

felicia harris said...

So thankful for grace. His unmerited favor. A gift that we don't deserve and we can't do anything to earn it. And my favorite, sanctification enjoyed! It covers all those feelings that creep up from the past. Thank you for your beautiful post today.

Magali@TheLittleWhiteHouse said...

I hope all goes for the best, whether this house is your future home or not. The "deserving" idea is one I often struggle with as well... It was very intersting to read your ideas about it.

chateau chic said...

I pray you have wisdom for all the decisions you're faced with when selling and buying. I have no doubt the Lord will open and close doors as He sees fit, and you will know the peace that passeth all understanding.
Our middle son talks of wanting to move to Dallas (because of the warmer weather and inexpensive real estate), so who knows, maybe we'll get to meet in person some day. :-)
Thank you for your very sweet note!
Mary Alice

Lana L. said...

I too struggle with the inner, do I "deserve" this feeling. Mine definitely stems from my childhood, but I'm getting better at making peace with it. I will send up a prayer that your storybook home works out! I believe that things happen as they are supposed to, so if you don't get it, there is a reason. Having said that, I hope you do - it was my favorite too!

Elizabeth Eiffel said...

An interesting reflection to which I can relate. However, with faith, life has a way of working out. From our discussions and contact, I feel I know you well enough to say that you certainly deserve the house of your dreams. Bonne chance. xxx

The Quintessential Magpie said...

I just prayed for you and for you to have the best house for you. I love this one and would love to see you get it, my fiend! I think you deserve the best. I want that for you and know God does, too.

I can't believe I guessed the right house! :-)

xo

Sheila

P.S. I am going to get off the computer and really intercede for you, Laura. You are one of God's very own best girls!

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Uh, that would be my FRIEND, not fiend!

I hate this IPAD sometimes. It is hard for me to use.

You could never, ever, ever be a fiend. No matter how hard you try!

Love you,

Sheila :-)

Liz@ Infuse With Liz said...

I believe if it's meant to be it will happen. The sellers probably knew the roof was in need of updating but hoped they'd get away on it. Thing is they're going to run into this with any other buyer and ultimately will have to take less if they want yo use the "as is" concept. I always get that uneasy feeling when things go well and question whether it's really going to happen because I usually feel I don't deserve it either. Have faith and let yourself enjoy what's coming your way.

openid said...

Dear Friend, Laura,
I was a long term member of the I don't deserve {nice things} club and still struggle with it some days. But HE does not love us because we deserve it. HE loves us because that's what HE is. We don't love our children because they deserve it. We love them simply because they are. I believe you will end up exactly where you are meant to be. You and yours are always in our thoughts and prayers. Your Friend, Deborah

Vel Criste said...

Laura, this was almost exactly the same way you felt with the Hawaiian vacation. God is great, and if it's meant for you, it will be yours easily. Don't ever think you don't deserve anything because you do, none of us is perfect and God knows that for sure. So just revel in God's blessings and let HIS WILL be done!

Charm Bracelet Diva {at Home} said...

My prayers are with you, Laura. I, too, have been in the throes of trying to sell our house and move for months now and I recently just gave it all up to God. We have to believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to. If this does not work out I'm sure a better one is out there waiting for you and your family! Hang in there.
xo Kathleen

stoneleafandcompany.com said...

prayers for God's will, my friend.

Linda said...

I pray for you and I firmly believe, as always, God has the perfect plan in mind and will work all things for your good. Not because we deserve anything, but simply because He loves us.

Love,
Linda

Pat@Life At Lydias House said...

I tried to drop "deserve" from my vocabulary a number of years ago. I don't want what I deserve, I want grace and am thankful for it. I am trusting God to provide you with the perfect home in Texas and the strength to get through the transition. I know that this will be a wonderful adventure!

Maureen Wyatt said...

If I heard of you having some great good fortune fall to you, I would immediately say, "She deserve it!". If everyone else (and one darling little dog) think so, you may as well agree with all of us.

lynn cockrell said...

What an insightful post, Laura! I, too, have a problem with feeling deserving of things or that something might be "too good" for me. At the same time, as unreasonable as it may be, I think others deserve better than I.

At the same time, we have television, internet and magazines constantly telling every one who can hear or read that we all "deserve" whatever it is that they are selling. The reality is that we are neither more or less deserving of a thing than the next person.

Jesus Christ was undeserving of the suffering he went through on the cross in order that we, the very sinners He died for, deserve the sacrifice that He made for us. Your post is a poignant reminder that God will provide for us who trust Him to guide us. I have said a prayer for you and I believe that if this home is the place God has planned for you and your family, it will be yours and that you will be happy where ever "home" is because He will be living there too!

I am so excited for you and what is happening in your life, dear Laura!

Liz Hockamier said...

Oh my goodness! Such a great post! I would never think that you didn't deserve the home of your dreams. I know some of what you have come thru to get to this point and my dear, The Lord has lead you right where you are. If in fact you get this charmer you will love it like no one else would have. :) AND if you don't then you'll know He has something better for you. I believe that with all my heart! :) I can't wait to hear "the rest of the story" !
~Liz

Auntie Em said...

Bad things happen to good people. We are not going to be judged when it really matters by the 'good things' in life but by the good in our life. And Laura, you are a good person and not lacking at all in what really matters.
I am sure there must be a place for your family to 'come home to' in all of Texas. Be patient and have faith and things will turn out good. {{{hugs}}}

Butterfly 8)(8 Bungalow said...

xoxo I love this. I am similar. I figure that I am just made that way. I don't think there is necessarily a cause, but I feel blessed to be one that always feels the presence. (The one you chose was my favorite for the same reasons.) I hope it all works out, but there will be something just as special if it doesn't. xoxo

Jane said...

You do deserve your blessings, Laura. You do so much for others all the time. All the houses looked lovely, but you picked the one I liked best! Praying all goes well for you and your family as you start your new life in Texas.